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Well today waz pretty....lets just say "whatever"? lol


So many things have happend its crazy. In my family my dad is gone and probably wont be back... my brother is dating a new girl, her name is Cristina, which is weird considering his ex -wife's name was Kristy but anyway shes nice though i still dont completely trust her, moving on. My brother-n-law is getting out of jail in 2010 n moving with my sister and valentina to Spain ( i guess Spain is my enemy lol). I'm ganna miss them alot. I mean i'm always going to be Vale's Aunty but its ganna be hard to watch her leave off to Spain after being there ever since she was born. Sometimes i feel like a second mother to that little girl lol. Anyways, my other sister is also dating again...her ex love if not else lol, but she looks happy and we all love Lu so its cool, i guess. I just hope that she doesn't move to New Jersey, where he lives  cuz that would break my heart. Moving on... lets see. well my too good friends are dating..i guess? lol. I feel so happy for them, they deserve a little happiness in their lives, and they look so peacefull around each other which makes me happy for them. I'm not ganna lie but sometimes it can get a bit much on my part, to the point where it could be a little "third wheelish" if you will, but i love them non-the-less and wish them all the best whether they end up together or not.

I recently volenteered to be a tutor to little kids at Silver Lakes Elementary which is cool and takes my mind off of school a little as i said before is w.e, nothing really special. Its just someplace i go to everyday just to get away from my house and its emptiness. So far it hasn't been all that exciting. I guess cuz last year was such a blast i keep thinking it'll be that way that i delude myself everyday and just wined up disappointed....Ever since my best friend left it really hasn't felt the same which is a bummer since its senior year :(. this was supposed to be our year n i don't just mean her n me but her me and "the gang's" year. Its so sad that the gang has broken up. And to tell you the truth i new it was going to happen eventually but i guess i didn't expect it to feel so...sad. I miss all the guys, i miss laura, i miss(and i cant believe i'm actually saying this, trust me) nelly. It just all feels so wrong this way. half of me says let everyone go and don't think about it but i do n i cant help it. IT FEELS TOO WEIRD without them, all of them. In some strange universe i know things would be different, but i guess i have to face the music and get with this world, right? and with knowing that, i still feel the way i do, and since i cant really talk about it, that's what makes it all the wow.
Anyway, things are changing, people are changing, the world is changing, the future is changing..everyday...
I swore that i was ganna try my best this year to make it a good one, go to all the events as a proud senior  but now i don't feel that same drive and its so sad cuz i wanted to do everything my sisters didn't really get to experience in their high school year, and i'm not doing them.
i was ganna go to homecoming and run for queen but i guess it just didn't seem like it was ganna be all that fun for me since the people i talk to more everyday aren't ganna go which is ok since i get their reasons but still it makes me sad in a way. Some part of me tells me to just go and try to have fun and who knows? maybe meet new people. Or even just enjoy for a little while lol.
You know sometimes i think  that this year really sucks and its not ganna get better, but then i hit myself cuz i forget that i have good friends that i love with my heart and that are  with me everyday...but hey i still can't deny how i feel, you know? lol
But even though i miss my best friend, my sister in every way; every single minute of every day and always will, i know i have to try to keep my head up high and focus on this year and my responsibilities as a graduate to be. I have to try to make it through and walk that stage with pride even though my father wont be there and maybe manu wont either. Mel and all of us will stride towards our future, though it may not seem so certain for either of us, i send my hope out to  God and hope that he hears me.

Until next time readers,

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bestest ...this is alot of writting and im glad you finally got everything out.
im happy about your erica and its sad shes moving to spain lol yes , spain seems to be our enemy.
im so happy for gata she deserves the best shes wonderfull.
Thanks [about chris and i ] and im sorry you feel like a 3rd wheel sometimes. we dont mean to put u in that situation , infact this is exactly what i didnt want to happend. im trying to invite you to hangout with us and all and you wont =[ but yeah .... just know were not trying to put u in that situation because we love u and if it wasnt for u and manu this would probebly never happend and if it did it wouldnt of taken a while lol.
im glad about your volunteer thingy ... i wanted to do it but as i think about it i know tha i wont be as committed to it as you will so i rather not even start to not disapoint anyone.
sorry about your dad. again...idk what to say to that lol.
as for manu we all miss her and i wish she was here with us its not the same i understand nothing is the way u expected it to be but jst know that weree here for u especially chris and i and we'll always be there so dont be sad. be happy.
your a senior. your graduating. you have greeat friends who love u . anddddddd .... ummm.... ily. lmao. =]

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